I keep hearing it over and over and over again.
2014 has been a whirlwind. Already. It's January 20th and I've been in over my head since this year started.
I have to remind myself to breathe most of these days.
Literally. Like, "Kelly - BREATHE!" In through your nose, out through your mouth.
I'll be driving and will forget. My body will stop doing it automatically for me. It'll occur to me, "Hey, I haven't breathed in like forty-five seconds." Or a minute. Or a couple of minutes. And I'll have to take a forced inhalation, exhalation. Do some mini pranayama breathing, hot yoga-style. The breath is audible... as you listen to it, you're more likely to focus on it and remain present. Resist the urge to allow your mind to wander out of these four walls.
Ever since that ball dropped and Drew kissed me at the stroke of midnight, I've been running a marathon of life and work. Laura's wedding. EB show. TSE. Teach yoga. Secure an office. Mollify new clients. Meet new clients. Offer and start an internship over the course of one week.
Would you like to know how many days I have had in 2014 to not think about work, do something work related, or actually work? Zero.
That's not exactly setting boundaries.
That's not exactly doing my job well.
That's not actually serving my clients well.
That's certainly not serving God or my husband well.
I am stressed. I am anxious. Whenever I get in these stressful situations I always have trouble breathing. My body goes into fight-or-flight mode and stops doing normal things like breathing subconsciously. It's so focused on preparing to fight the cheetah or swim hundreds of feet against a strong water current (because I obviously need to, since duh, why else would I be sending all those stress signals to my brain?) that it can't do normal things anymore. It makes me incapable of taking deep breaths (just short and shallow forced ones). I get absolutely single-sighted and 1,000% focused on "just get through this and this and this and this and this."
I haven't said no to the things that don't matter this year.
Even to things or people or opportunities that aren't a great fit. Or don't really work with my schedule.
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES I WILL DO EVERYTHING AND THEN SOME, THANK YOU PLEASE GIVE ME MORE!
I know better. I know that in order to be the best wedding planner, the best wife, the best friend, the best person I can be, I have to give my time wisely to what I can, and not to what I can't.
So I am going to intentionally slow down. It's January 20th. 11 more days left of the first month of the year. I have a couple of hard deadlines to hit and inevitable scheduling blocks in the way, but I am going to take a little more time to breathe. To rest. To be a wife. To decompress. To distance myself from electronics and time-consuming projects. To start going back to yoga.
There are so many exciting things coming up in the world of KDE. For example, that aforementioned office. Yeah, did you get that? I HAVE AN OFFICE! THERE IS A KELLY DELLINGER EVENTS HEADQUARTERS! A physical space of everything KDE loveliness!!!!!! I have been stressing myself out night and day over every last detail of that place without ever appreciating the fact that I HAVE it, so I'm finally going to take a step back and acknowledge the amazing reality that it exists. PRAISE GOD!!!!
God is so good. So, so good. His blessings abound. He's been so good to put the right people in my life lately to give me hugs, encouragement, and reality checks. I'm so grateful to have an amazing intern, a supportive family, and so many insanely awesome opportunities.
Stay tuned for more fabulousness in the weeks to come! And a little more quiet time, too.
Ain't in no hurry
I'd be a fool now to worry
About all those things I can't change
And the time that I borrow
Can wait till tomorrow
Cause I ain't in no hurry today
(Brown, Durrette, and Otto)
love, light, and calm,